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Today: 17.01.2018 - 21:56:12
   Canada Mortgage Hub Discussion Board -> Mortgage Ottawa -> Who's the one being irrational?
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prizeworthy9832

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Who's the one being irrational?
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Post # 1.

orlygur

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I've lived in three different corners of the US, have known people to go to college, or work after high school, some who grew up in wealthy homes, or low middle class homes, some spoiled, some hard workers... and your boyfriend, at least the way you present your story, seems like the most spoiled big kid I've ever heard about. I would literally.... literally PAY money to come to your town and slap the crap out of him, hogtie his arsse, drag him to some town away from his parents, and force him to grow up. Talk about self centered and immature. So he spends money on toys.... leeching off of his parents.... complains about NOT having enough money....whining about the stress at his job.... and you think you'll be happy and content being with a mama's boy, you trust that he'll learn and mature with the snap of your fingers enough so that he could be a good father and mentor and husband? It doesn't sound like he'll ever grow up, he'll never be able to take care of himself. I mean if you like that type of guy? Go for it. You realize that you and his mom will be taking care of him his entire life. He'll always be grumpy with a little stress.... what do you think will happen once you have kids? Something happens to you where YOU are stressed and need comfort and support? He'll run off and go off roading! You think you'll have help with your kids? Not from HIM that's for sure. His mom will be raising your children. He won't be a father. And who knows, maybe he'll hate spending his money on a house and raising children and resent you and the kids, end up taking his money, and moving back in with his mom when he's 40 and finding some obedient latino or asian girl who will take care of him like a live in maid or mommy? OR, he'll kick you and the kids out of the house, he'll make you pursue him in court for any sort of child support, or his mom will end up paying his child support so he can go off and have fun with his money.Now i'm sure you are exaggerating (maybe), and your story is only one side, but you definitely have a right to be upset. I lived with my dad after I graduated college, and after 9 months living at home, my dad gave me ONE MONTH to move out. I was still interviewing for jobs! I had a TEMP job, and my dad was kicking me out. My sister already lived with my mom in a very small place. I ended up moving across the country and taking care of myself, living with roommates, paying all of my bills, making mistakes, and having to pay off debt, and here your boyfriend is not even paying rent, taking his parents for granted, getting a YEAR notice, spending ALL of his money on toys. SIX years to save for a down payment on a house? Are you joking? He doesn't sound like he has much debt? How can it take 6 years? He just sounds like a lazy arsse spoiled brat who is completely immature and irresponsible. And his mom is WAY too nice. They could be the sweetest people in the world, but look at how their son turned out... completely spoiled. Parents need to give tough love sometimes. Teach him to take care of himself and be a responsible, mature grownup.His mom should give him 3 months notice and if he can only afford an apartment, and he doesn't want to live in an apartment, let him live in his car. And poor you! He should pay for rent or a house and you should be living there rent free if he loves you. What about a ring? Has he even taken one minute to talk about anything else but himself to discuss marriage and a ring? EIGHT years you have waited around? You have the patience of Job... either that or you're very naiive. He seems to have you and his mother wrapped around his little finger. You deserve better. He should listen to you and talk things through. This sounds like a typical case of you being the giver, and him being the taker.
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Post # 2.

praga_mgp

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He gets to live with his girlfriend for free. He has a nice job. Mommy cooks and cleans for him. He has fancy toys. He doesn't have to pay for his education.If he does anything to endanger all that he's being irrational. If you and mommy keep treating him like a toddler then you are being irrational.
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Post # 3.

nicolein

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I think he is. You are the one who mostly provides and please dont take this the wrong way, but I think your boyfriend needs to learn a little respect towards you.
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psmdelin

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From your description, your boyfriend is the irrational one. It's understandable that he is distressed, because he never had to accept full adult responsibility for his life before. But he can't stop time just because he doesn't like change. There's no easy answer to this, and there's nothing you can say to make him just "snap out of it." The best solution might be a few sessions of counseling with a therapist or financial planner, to help him examine his priorities and motivations. David Bach's "Smart Couples Finish Rich" has some good exercises for that - you might try reading the book and casually leaving it where he can pick it up.
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